Since I Met You

Posted: February 23, 2014 by jperrett in Poems

Since I met you

children seem less irritating

the sun shines brighter

the days seem longer

even Buster Keaton appears more colourful

Since I met you

I often find myself wandering aimlessly round town

making little noises like


and ‘oh’

and ‘uhh’

and hoping that I will run into you

Since I met you

I have discovered Feng Shui

the ancient Chinese art of interior decorating

and those weird seeds they sell in health-food shops

because I think I overheard you say to someone once

that seeds were good for you

and I’ve stopped ironically laughing whenever I say

‘health-food shops’ because now I understand why people might want to live longer

and now I have seeds with everything –

cheese and seed sandwiches

seed soup

seed stew

seeds in a seeded bun

seed milkshakes

They all taste horrible

Since I met you

I have discovered painting

and now I spend my hours drawing dramatic historical pictures of you:

you as Charlotte Corday, murdering Marat in his bathtub (with me as Marat)

you as Valerie Solonas, shooting Andy Warhol (with me as Andy Warhol)

you as Margaret Thatcher stealing free school milk from working-class children

(I tried drawing myself as the free school milk but it just looked really weird)

Since I met you I have started buying clothes that I think you would like

and then dressing up in them and looking at myself in the mirror

so I can imagine what it would look like if you lived here

I named a large spider in my kitchen after you

but it got really depressing saying your name whenever I greeted him

so I was going to put him outside

but I couldn’t bare the thought of us parting

so I had to kill him

Since I met you

I have started carrying around with me

a small matchbox in which

I have amassed a collection of your hairs

that I have occasionally found on chairs that you have sat down in

Since I met you

I have also started carrying an egg-whisk

in case you ever needed one

and the very fact that I would be carrying one would be like a miracle

and a clear sign from God that we have to spend the rest of our lives together

I have spent lots of money in florists

since you said you liked forget-me-nots

but they didn’t have any

so I just bought shed loads of tulips and daffodils instead

but then I remembered I didn’t know where you lived

so I had to follow you home from work

and then I got scared that you’d think I was weird

or you might be allergic to tulips

or daffodils

so I dumped them by the side of the road

and now everyone thinks that area’s an accident hotspot

Since I have met you I have written over twenty different poems

and songs

about the colour of your eyes

but I’ve never really got close enough to you to see what colour they are

so they’re more like poems and songs

based on speculation

about the colour of your eyes

(one of the ones about you having green eyes is really good;

I’d show it to you but it’s a bit deep)

Since I met you

I have wanted to tell you how I feel about you

but I haven’t had the courage

so I wrote you this poem.

It’s Jesse, by the way;

the guy who keeps staring at you longingly outside of Starbucks



Posted: January 25, 2012 by jammysally in Poems


Little Laika your moment has come

They led her by lead to her seat
Strapped her down and gave her a treat
There wasn’t even time for her mother to say goodbye
Before the favourite of her litter blasted into the sky

There she sits, that Labrador Retriever
What would her friends say; they wouldn’t believe her!
That here she’d been, Earth beneath her feet
As she munched on her rations of Baker’s Complete

It sure is quiet, it sure is dark
No passing cars at which to bark
No territory she has to mark
But the life of the Spacedog – it’s no walk in the park

She must’ve realised there was no going home
That she’d never unbury her favourite bone
Those thoughtless scientists: if they could have seen her face
As she drifted about in the coldness of space

Down on Earth, her trainers feel sick
When their thoughts return to little Muttnik
‘Dear comrades’ they say ‘what have we done?’
As they throw out the dog-bowls and Pedigree Chum
They’ll go home tonight, look through telescopes and cry
For the poor puppy, now but a star in the sky

The dog’s fate was sealed; doomed as poor Romeo
Russia’s retriever had eaten its last bowl of Boneo
She lets out a whine, draws her last breath
And daring doggy slips into death.

Back at base, it’s a minor success
But there’s lumps in their throats – they are now dogless
What have they learned? Was it worth the end
Of the nation’s hero, of man’s best friend?

Laika’s playing fetch with the angels, amongst the stars
Remember dog’s die in hot shuttles, as well as hot cars

So pause for a moment, say a prayer, shed a tear
For that mongrel that died in Earth’s atmosphere

Thursday Morning 00:16am

Posted: January 25, 2012 by jammysally in Poems

After deciding that going to Discord
was a bad idea
and that downing Jager Bombs
and dancing to the same playlist as last week
was not the way to drown my sorrows
I decided to make my way back home
the roads were silent
and air sharp, but cool
as about half way home
I decided to stop for a while
and recover

Up ahead stood the church
where I had once as a child
lain outside
to draw the stain-glass windows
only to discover afterwards
that I’d placed my notepad on top of some cat poo

As I made my way up the path
the motion-detecting lights switched on
and beckoned to me

And so I sat there
in the entrance
very, very early for church
and I stared out at the graffitied wall across the street
and I thought about about God
and about Jesus
and about my short time as a part-time evangelist
and I thought about Amos
and about Moses
and about the Old Testament
and the New
and about me
and how you
had dumped me approximately seven hours and five minutes ago
(and how I was totally over it)
and I wondered
if there really was a god out there
in a non-corporeal but-never-the-less-fully-real form
and, almost as if in answer,
the light above switched itself off
and plunged me into total darkness

The Vending Machine

Posted: January 22, 2012 by jammysally in Poems

The Vending Machine

Staring into the food dispensary I eye up the candidates;
Each stares back with its deceiving, non-degradable eyes,
Taking its time, taking its time.
I can’t decide, I’m overwhelmed with the choice, the easiness
And the lack of interest I can summon.

Yes chocolate, the round, coated balls of honeycomb,
The thick, sugary, nutty things that stare me down,

Candy gunslingers.

‘You lookin’ at me kid?’
The Twix, two chocolate fingers stuck up firmly in my direction.
‘Eat me, sonofabitch’.

I push somebody past me.
“You go first”: I’m not ready to face the mouth of the monster.

Plucking up my courage
I stuff my pound into its metallic jaw and punch in the number,
Forced to conform to its corrupted language.
The packet falls, the change rattles through its skeletal interior.

Twenty pence.

The bugger short-changed me.